I just met with Dr. Chang, my thoracic surgeon, to go over biopsy results from last week’s procedure.
The good news: next Tuesday I will not need to undergo the bilobectomy, an operation requiring a hospital stay of 1 week, and an additional 6 weeks of recovery time. They will not be slicing through the back muscles I’ve worked so hard at the gym to build, and I will not lose 2/3 of my right lung.
The bad news: out of the 4 lymph nodes they biopsied, 3 are positive for metastatic non-small cell lung cancer. One of these is outside my lungs, another is in the left lung. This, in addition to the two tumors in my right lung , means that the cancer is now staged at IIIb. They do not do surgery on IIIb lung cancer patients.
Now that my relationship with Dr. Chang has come to an end, I’ll be forming a new relationship with an oncologist. I’ll be undergoing chemotherapy and radiation, probably during the same time period.
While this news doesn’t fill me with joy, I’m not very surprised.
Last night, while I was doing all the little mental exercises one does to try to stop obsessing; over biopsy results, possible surgery, impact on my job and the rest of my life; I was suddenly filled with a feeling of calm. At that moment, I knew two things: that I wouldn’t be having surgery, and, more importantly, that it would be alright.
Right now, I’ve just got to go with the “it’s going to be alright” mantra. A rather prickly friend of mine, who is at least as impatient as I, is always telling me to relax and breathe. And so, I will. I will.
Thanks for the update. Sorry that the news was probably not what you had hoped for but I am thinking positive about your treatment. So my next question is what is your favorite color since I think I will knit you a chemo cap. I saw that your scarf was blue so would it be blue or something else??? Timing is perfect, I am ready for a new small project as the coat I am working on is way too big to carry with me.
That’s so sweet of you, Thea. Maybe a gray blue or sage color one?
Beautiful writing, girl. Hard news, but beautiful writing. Well, if positive attitudes mean anything at all, you win right there. I’m rooting for you, big time.
Thank you for the news. So sorry it’s not what you would want. If mind over matter has any clout at all then you’ll certainly get over this! You are so strong. Good luck.
I understand about the calm. We’re all approaching an age where grace is the best gift given to us and the best gift we can give to others.
Then, of course, there are the days when we feel like a cat thrown in a bag, shaken and released! Wishing you more of the former, fewer of the latter!
Okay, so it’s on to the next attack on this thing. I have a meditation/visualization CD that you can use any time you need a fresh dose of calm and breathing. It’s very effective, only takes 20 minutes and can be done as often as you want. I do it with a dog on my lap. I’ll bring it over tomorrow. You can give your subconscious the messages it needs. It is going to be alright, my friend.
Wow. As a great woman once said “What fresh hell is this?”
This blog is a real gift to us, you know. Hope it’s good for you, too.
It took me a while to digest, and wrap my head/heart around this. You’re so strong Joyce, and that will serve you well. It doesn’t require you to be strong all the time though. If I know you, you will glean everything you can out of this experience and learn from all of it. We’re all blessed in a peculiar way to be able to glide through this with you. I want to learn as well. Stay happy!
This is difficult news. I think you’re showing a lot of courage,” the price that life exacts to grant peace”, according to Amelia Earhart. I hope for the best results from the next part of this journey. I’m glad you have Joan by your side and all of these good friends whose responses are showing up on these blogs and other places. I also hope for those continued moments, hours, days of equanimity for you, big sister.
love and metta from your little sister
Hi Joyce–You were very much on our minds as Wesla and Wendy and I met for lunch yesterday. (Wendy was delivering her Christmas gift to us: patching wallboard in our bath cabinet.) Tough news, but I know you’ll do great. whatever life delivers you. Because you’re THAT kind of person. xoxoxo, Jane